What Not To Do Around the Autobots: Halloween Style
by Noella50881
Summary: Another What Not To Do Around the Autobots
1. Chapter 1 Pumpkins

Well, I'm kind of blocked on my other stories...can't get past that hurdle for now so I guess they're on hold.

I decided to try a funny story of What Not To Do Around Autobots: On Halloween.

-0-

Pie Pumpkins and Jack O Lanterns aren't the same.

Many of the Autobots were starting to notice these huge pumpkins out in front people's homes. Most of them carved with gruesome faces with the pumpkin's guts sticking out of mouths and when lit they glowed eerily in the night-time air. So what harm would it be to go ahead and use the bases' credit cards to buy a whole pallet of pumpkins to carve for their base?

Each Autobot held a drawing and one Mech had to go shopping for a bunch of pumpkins at a local retailer. Since Ironhide knew about the different choices between pumpkins, they chose an Autobot who didn't know the difference. Ironhide would mess it up and pick out the correct pumpkins.

Optimus Prime decided to collect the pumpkins and went promptly to a store. His holoform asked for a pallet of pumpkins from the store. The store's manager looked at him and asked, "Pie Pumpkin? Or Jack O Lanterns?"

Optimus blinked at that. "What's the difference? Pie pumpkins and Jack O Lanterns are the same, aren't they?"

"You've never been shopping, have you, sir?" The store's manager asked.

"Not very often." Optimus said.

"A pie pumpkin's used for making pumpkin pie and a Jack O Lantern's used for collecting the seeds and carving them."

"Then I guess I'll take two pallets. One of pie pumpkins and the other Jack O Lanterns."

"But sir, that's taking all of my stock!" The manager answered.

"Well, I guess we'll take the Jack O Lanterns. We would love to have some carving pumpkins."

The manager nodded. "And how would you be able to take the whole entire pallet?"

"Oh. That does present a problem." Optimus said in an amused voice as he walked to the door and the manager followed him. Out front, near the door, sat his alt, and millions of kids and adults were standing there, admiring his truck mode. "Here we go. I'm all ready for my pick up of Jack O Lanterns."

"Drive to the back." The manager said, shaking his head as he walked back into the store. One of the cashiers looked at him and asked, "Are you all right, sir?"

"I swear I just met one of the most interesting characters today. I think I just met Optimus Prime. And you won't believe what he ordered. The whole entire pallet of Jack O Lanterns."

The cashier's eyes widened. "The Optimus Prime?"

"Yes."

"Wow. The Autobot Leader came here! Why'd he want a whole entire pallet of Jack O Lanterns?"

"Maybe to throw them at the Decepticons."


	2. Chapter 2 Candy and More Candy

Candy and More candy

-0-

Ratchet couldn't believe how much candy was given to trick or treaters. Annabelle loved this holiday way too much and often showed her secret treasure to all the Autobots. But when she came to him, he was appalled. 

"Anna. Don't you know all that candy's bad for you?" Ratchet asked.

"So? It's all good."

"No. It's not all good for you. It's bad for you. Couldn't you get fruit and vegetables."

Anna looked at Ratchet and shook her head. "Geez, Ratchet. Maybe you should experience trick or treating once in a while. Daddy!" Anna called, leaving Ratchet, who was now thinking of how to get her bag away from her. He should wait until she was asleep than take her candy from her. That would be a great idea!

So he waited until she was asleep before taking her stash of candy. Then he went to the Med-Bay and started going through it. Chocolate, hard candy, gum, and money? She had quite the treasure.

He put it up on the highest shelf where no one can get it but him and went to his berthroom to go to recharge. Instead of the nice comforting sleep, he endured dreams of candy, toilet paper, and eggs being thrown to his mode. When he woke up, he noticed silly string, guffaws of laughter, and candy thrown all over the med-bay. He growled when he heard triple guffaws of laughter.

"Whoever did that is going to be reformatted into a toaster and getting a scan!" Ratchet yelled out into the main bay. He stood up and fell off his pedes. He looked down and noticed his pedes were tied up. "I shall reformat you all." He yelled as he tugged the ties and ripped them off. Then he went out of his berthroom and found Annabelle, Sideswipe, and Sunstreaker all trying to get out of his med-bay. Annabelle managed to say before departing. "Happy Halloween, Ratchet! You were tricked since you took my candy!"


	3. Chapter 3 Wrong Disguise Choice

*Now I know there's been some 'rules about dressing up as a Decepticon and walking around into the Autobot Base' around here somewhere.*

-0-

(Noella's my own character on a RP in a SG world. So she'll be in this chapter.)

There's one thing I've noticed around Halloween are the little costumes of Megatron, Optimus Prime, and Bumblebee's. Now, everyone knows not to dress up as Megatron and walk into the Autobot base or dress up as Optimus Prime and walk into the Decepticon Base. Someone forgot to post the rules or use common sense not to do that. Someone like Miles and Sam. (There's no Sam and Miles in the SG world. They simply don't exist, but let's just assume, I went to the normal non-SG world.)

Miles and Sam thought it'd be a good idea to do a simple little trick on the Decepticons and Autobots. Sam tricked the Autobots while Miles tricked the Decepticons.

Sam experienced the worst experience in his life since he chose to dress up as Megatron. All of the Autobot's cannons were pointed at him. Ironhide was convinced he was a pretender. Optimus believed he was an animated holoform that took on the shape of Megatron. Prowl glitched naturally. Sideswipe held his blades out, ready to impale him, and Ratchet's buzz saw whirred until Sam took off his disguise. None of the Autobots were pleased with Sam and locked him up until Halloween passed.

Miles faired worse than Sam. He was already intercepted and taken before Megatron, who was not amused. They already had known about Halloween and had their base as a haunted house for anyone who happened to stumble into their domain. Miles had been terrified, scared, and ran into Barricade. Megatron had Miles disrobe from his costume and put him into a room until Halloween passed.

Poor Miles. Poor Sam. I guess they never learned their lesson because the day after that, they complained they never got any candy or goodies that night. Ratchet was pleased that at least two teens weren't going to eat candy that Halloween.

I heard Sam vow next Halloween, he was going to roll the base with toilet paper and silly string.


	4. Chapter 4 Candy Corn is Not Real Corn

I know it's been a long while since I updated...My What Not To Do Stories are going to be on here...It's been a tedious task.

Thanks for your reviews.

0-0

Candy Corn is not Real Corn

No matter how many times you try to explain candy corn to the Autobots and Decepticons, they just don't get it. You can't candy a whole cob of corn and expect it to taste like candy corn.

For instance, a well known scientist tried to take a whole cob of multicolored corn and make it into candy. He took off all the kernels, cooked them, and came out with a multicolored popcorn. That experiment failed. Then he tried another cob of corn and added a whole bunch of sugar injections, roasted it, and called it candy corn. That experiment failed because people noticed.

He gave up and admitted defeat until Sam came in with a bag of candy corn. The small candy was interesting and he walked over to Sam.

"Sam? Would you care to tell me what candy corn is? I've tried to make candy corn out of corn, but all it does is fail."

Sam looked at Wheeljack. "Why Wheeljack? It's not corn. They just call it that because of this shape." Sam took out one of the candies and Wheeljack looked at the tiny orange, yellow, and white piece of candy.

"This is candy corn?"

"Yes. Candy corn. Not Candied Corn."

"Interesting. Thanks Sam. I shall see if I can reproduce this lovely treat." Wheeljack walked back to his lab.

-0-

lol. Candy Corn and Wheeljack. :)


	5. Chapter 5 Haunted Houses

Thank you for reviewing.

-0-

Haunted Houses _  
_

-0-

Optimus Prime and I thought it'd be a good idea to go experience a haunted house. He used his holoform to see what a haunted house really looked like. When we were both done with the haunted house, his holoform was paler than a ghost. I couldn't help but feel sorry for the Autobot Leader.

He was so silent through the trip, I thought he was really out there, trying to make sense what a haunted house was really like. When he finally spoke, I startled.

"Please tell me those creatures aren't real."

I couldn't help myself. "Oh they're real all right. They inhabit that house for life. In fact, every year, they come out around the month of October to scare people."

I felt a shudder from his engine to the interior, it almost rattled my bones. "Why? Why would anyone go in there?" He asked.

"To get scared." I answered simply. "And to run for their lives."

"Makes no sense why people like to get scared. Real life is scary." Optimus said.

"Well, Optimus. It's the thrill of it all. We like being scared."

I didn't tell him what awaited him at the base.

-0-

When we got to the base, it was totally dark and eerie. Optimus was the first to break the silence. "All right. This is odd. We're not going into the base."

Optimus slammed on his brakes and turned around. "Not until the month of October's over." He raced out of there like the Decepticons were chasing after him. "You'll sleep in my cabin tonight and for the whole month. I'm not going in there until November."

-0-

Poor Optimus.


	6. Chapter 6 Zombies aren't real, are they?

Thank you for reviewing.

-0-

Zombies Aren't Real, Are they, Prowl?

-0-

"Zombies aren't real, are they Prowl?" I asked.

Prowl stared at me for a long time before sparks started to come out from Prowl's helm and audio sensors. Then he swerved and fell into his glitch state.

"Slag."

I left Prowl's office and wandered around the base until I came up to Red Alert.

"Hey, Red Alert. Would you know if zombies are real?"

Red Alert looked at me and then ran from the corridor, screaming about conspiracies. I plugged up my ears.

I shrugged and wandered through the base again. I saw another couple of Autobots I wouldn't ever consider asking. Sideswipe and Sunstreaker. "Okay." I said. "Hey, Sides and Sunny." I said, missing the glare Sunstreaker gave me. "Are zombies real?"

Sides and Sunny looked at each other. "Yes. Why do you ask when there's one standing right there." Sides asked in an amused tone.

Sunny just glared. "What kind of a stupid question is that?"

I shrugged and imitated Sunny. "What kind of a stupid question is _that?_"

"Oh please. Don't start that crazy game." Sunny said, in an exasperated tone.

"Ah-ha! There you are!" A new voice said. "You're contagious and need isolation." Turning, I saw Ratchet and shake my head.

"Oh-no. If I were a real zombie, would I talk?"

"No. All the more to find out what possessed you to change into one."

-0-

Please review and glad you liked. :)


	7. Chapter 7 Mummies

Thank you for reviewing.

-0-

Mummies

-0-

Mummies are best left in the crypt they're in, all right?

Unless it's Halloween.

Sam, Miles, and I were sitting in the Rec Room, drawing straws on who would be the mummy this year. Well, I was already a zombie and went around the base asking if they're real. Then I was stuck in the Med-Bay to undergo a mentality questionnaire by Ratchet.

This time, Miles lost, and had to dress up as a mummy. We were supposed to take pictures and a video to post on youtube. I snapped photo after photo of Mummy Miles as he walked all around base, scaring NEST soldiers and Autobots. The only one who was a party pooper was Ironhide, Ratchet, and Optimus. For some reason, those three were unafraid of mummies. _Were_.

Ironhide transformed his arms into cannons, aimed at Miles.  
Optimus transformed his arm into his sword.  
And Ratchet stood there, processing what to do with all three of us.

The one who broke the prank was Ratchet. "All right, so you like bandages, hmm? I have a simple solution to that."

The next thing Sam and I knew, we were swathed in bandages and none of them came off.

Thanks Ratchet.

-0-

Please review.


	8. Chapter 8 Rolling In Deep

Thank you for reviewing.

-0-

Tricking

-0-

Autobots don't appreciate getting rolled with toilet paper or thrown eggs onto their alt-modes. It ruins their paint.

One of the soldiers was quite angry with them and decided to wait until they were all in recharge to start rolling them with toilet paper. The only one he couldn't quite roll very good was Optimus, so he enlisted Sam, Miles, and I. We all spent the whole night rolling Optimus. Just before the sun came up, we all left and got into bed. We pretended to sleep when the Autobots woke up that morning. There were several shouts of anger and threats of dismembering the humans responsible.

Optimus thought it funny and cute.  
Ironhide, not so much. He incinerated his with his cannons.  
Ratchet? Don't even go there. He promised deep scans to those responsible.  
Galloway? Peeved off that someone would actually egg his car. (Not us.)  
Charlotte? Peeved off because someone rolled her car and egged her car. (Again Not Us.)  
William Lennox? Shocked at his friend, Robert Epps for rolling the Autobots and enlisting us to help him. They never found the people who egged Galloway and Charlotte's car. Could have been Simmons.

-0-

Thanks for reading. Don't forget to review.


	9. Chapter 9 Halloween Movies

Thank you for reviewing.

-0-

Halloween Movies

Halloween movies are great to watch when you're not being asked so many questions about the killer and the victim. The Autobots love to ask annoying questions like, "Why did he do that?" Or "Why'd she do that?" or "Why'd she scream for help when no one was present?" or "Who came up with these movies?"

"Shut up!" I said. "I'm trying to watch this movie."

That got all the Autobots to quiet down except for one who threatened to blow up the TV because they were bored and tired of watching a woman getting chased by a vampire. Then they left in a huff. Then soon, the others joined him. "Thank goodness."

My peace and quiet were interrupted by loud screams and pounding footsteps. When I turned to look, Miles strolled in looking pleased with himself. He looked at me and said, "All I did was come in like Dracula and they freaked out."

Looks back at the TV and laugh. "That's because I'm watching 'Dracula'. They didn't believe he was real. I guess you proved them wrong."

Miles laughed. "Who knew they'd be so scared of Halloween fun and games?"

-0-

Thank you for reading...I'm having a difficult time with Halloween Drabbles. Hmm. Suggestions are welcome. :)


	10. Chapter 10 Hayfever Doesn't Mean Hay

Sorry for the long awaited wait. Writer's block strikes again.

-0-

Hayfever Doesn't Necessarily Mean Hay and hilarious Chase and escape

One particular morning, I woke up to having a serious case of sneezing, itchy scratchy throat, and nasal congestion. I didn't tell the Autobots about it until I emerged from my room with a pocketful of tissues and sneezing every now and then.

Ratchet saw me sneezing several times and walked over to me. He looked concerned about my sneezing fits and blowing my nose. When asked what was wrong, I told him I had hayfever.

Ratchet scooped me up, took me to his Med-Bay, and isolated me in an isolated room. Then he asked, "What exactly is hayfever? Is it an allergy to hay?"

I looked at him and said, "No. It's hayfever."

He gave me a look like I wasn't all there. "Well, I guess we'll just isolate you until all the hay outside is all gone and then you'll be better."

I looked at him with a smirk. "Hayfever's allergies. I'm not allergic to hay. It's just another word for allergies. I'm having a severe case of allergies because of the change in weather and dead, moldy leaves."

"Well, we'll just fix that with this large-" Ratchet started to say and I bolted from the isolation room.

"No we won't." I said as I ran away from him. "You're not sticking me with that large needle and don't tell me it won't hurt."

Then Ratchet growled and chased me all around the base. I made it to my room and locked the door. "Oh you're not getting away from me that easily." Ratchet said through the door. "I'll stay here and wait for you to come out. You have to come out sooner or later."

Ratchet stood there for a very long time and I still didn't emerge. People were looking at the Medic with a mirthful glance. "Oh. You're all next." People stopped giving him looks and stayed away from him. However, I didn't come out of my room and Ratchet then became concerned. He used his holoform to go into the room and discovered me gone. The window open. Ratchet growled, "Next time. I'll get you."


	11. Chapter 11 A Haunted Autobot Base

Sorry for the long awaited wait. Writer's block strikes again.

-0-

Zombie 'Cons (By suggestion of a reviewer. Thanks goes to them.)

Zombie Cons aren't meant to be used as a pet. They're very untrainable and unreliable. One of the Decepticons had a Zombie Con infiltrate the base on Halloween Night. A half the base was deserted and eerie music played on the loudspeaker. The Decepticon couldn't believe how gruesome the halls looked and how us, humans, decorated the corridors with bloody walls, tissue paper, and black crepe paper.

The Decepticon stopped in the middle of the hall and the Zombie con rushed forward, trying to get rid of the huge figure in front of them. Little did they know that the figure wasn't really there. It was a holographic projection of them. Everything they did, it did. Then they realized it wasn't real and continued on. The the last figure appeared with no head and the zombie con looked twice and took off running. The Decepticon stared at the headless figure and noticed the smoke pouring from the head and then a loud bloodcurdling scream issued from the headless figure. Then Wheeljack jumped out and grabbed the Decepticon by his arms, yelling, "Help me! Help me! It's got me." The Decepticon pushed Wheeljack away and ran down the corridor, past the figure of himself, and out into the night air. It went straight to the base and blabbered about Zombie Autobots to every 'Con that would listen.

Meanwhile, back at the Autobot Base, everyone was laughing their afts off about the haunted base idea.

Soonafter, any 'Con that arrived, would be screaming their own afts off about the base being haunted and that they should move.

-0-

Well, looks like the zombie 'con was scared and here, I thought Zombie 'Cons weren't afraid of anything. Thanks for reading. Don't forget to drop a review in my trick or treat bag on your way out.


	12. Chapter 12 Bumblebee and the Horseman

Thanks goes to Night Furry for the suggestion of Bumblebee and ghost stories. And her OC, Trinity belongs to her as well. :)

-0-

Trinity and I were telling ghost stories about the headless horseman from 'Sleepy Hollow'. Bumblebee had just returned from patrol when he heard us. He walked over to us just as Trinity started her story about the 'Headless Horseman coming to visit the NEST Base.'

"Twas the night before Halloween, all the Autobots were in their hangar bay, readying for their recharge when all of a sudden, the headless horseman dropped by, looking for the right sized head. He went from Autobot to Autobot. He paused right near Bumblebee and decided to take his head. But when the headless horseman tried to take his head, Bumblebee woke up and screamed. The headless horseman ran from the hangar bay. All the other Autobots ran to Bumblebee. When asked what was wrong, Bumblebee said, "Headless Horseman. He came to me." All the other Autobots thought too many horror movies. They all told Bumblebee to stop spreading tales of the Headless Horseman. They all went back to recharge. Bumblebee was awake the whole recharge cycle and set up camera's to capture the headless horseman. Then he went to recharge.

"The next morning, they all woke up and Bumblebee checked the video and saw the headless horseman on there. He sent all the Autobots his findings. It was met with mixed feelings and disbelief. They all went about their day of patrols and kicking Decepticon butts. Then it was time for recharge. Every Bot fell into recharge, but one. Bumblebee stayed awake, waiting for the Headless horseman to return. He did...

"The next morning, Halloween, every Bot discovered Bumblebee gone. They thought it strange because they saw him when he fell into recharge. All day long, they looked through the base and couldn't find him. Later on, when it was dusk, Bumblebee returned with a pumpkin for a head, and was dragging a horse behind him. When asked how he got a pumpkin for a head and a horse, he replied, "The Headless Horseman and I had a battle for my head. Apparently, I won. But I couldn't leave the horse behind and I took the pumpkin for decoration. Happy Halloween." Bumblebee said, taking off the pumpkin head from his own and laying it down on the ground. All the Autobots looked at him with great relief and greeted him happily.

"However, the Headless Horseman wasn't too happy about losing his bet and went around on foot without his horse."

"Oh come on, Trinity." Bumblebee said. "That's not the way the story went."

Trinity and I looked at him. "It went like this..." And with that, Bumblebee transformed into the Headless Horseman himself and said, "I want your heads." Trinity and I shot off the couch and ran, as Bumblebee laughed. "Gets them all the time!" He mused.


	13. Chapter 13 Scarecrows

Thank you for reviewing.  
Here's another chappie for you all.

-0-

Scarecrows aren't just for Halloween.

Autumn brings all types of decorations out from storage and stores carry all the decorations for both Halloween and Thanksgiving. I once took an Autobot with me, shopping for some halloween lights to light up my base's apartment. I already had a witch that flew into the door, now I needed some awesome purple lights. Purple lights were great. I threw in about a couple of boxes in, thinking that should do it. Then I saw minibales of hay and scarecrows of all types.

I bought about five small bales of hay for the small scarecrows I bought. They were all so cute and sweet. I also bought some large ones that were sweet and cute too. Then I couldn't resist and bought a small cemetary plot and fence package decorations.

Then I went to the apartment and set up all of my decorations. A passing Autobot stopped to observe. When I set up all of my scarecrows, he broke the silence by asking me, "Those scarecrows aren't scary enough."

I looked at him. "They don't have to be 'scary'. It's also for Thanksgiving too."

"So scarecrows aren't just for Halloween?"

"No." I look at the Autobot. "Do you think this is enough for Halloween?"

The Autobot looked at me and then the decorations. "Um, no. Where's the bat lights?"

"Slag. That's what I forgot. Thanks, Prowler."

"Prowl." Then he drove off.

"Prowler." I called after him. "Hmm. He didn't glitch."

That was an improvement.


	14. Chapter 14 A Rock, Human, Hard Place

Halloween may be over with, but not for this story. I've been stuck between a rock and a hard place lately. My old laptop blew sky high and took it's monitor with it. So I've got another laptop in Layaway. I hope it's better than my old busted up laptop. The parts, I'm selling.

-0-

Dressing up as a rock and a hard place is not a good idea.

This year, Sam and Miles decided to do something funny with me. I had in on it and thought it'd be a good way to get the Autobots good. Sam went as a large human sized rock and Miles was the brick wall and I was the human stuck between them.

The first one we went up to was Ironhide. He just stared at us with his optics. "What are you supposed to be?" He asked.

"A rock and a hard place." Sam answered. "See. I'm the rock, Noella's the human stuck in between and Miles is the hard brick wall. Get it? Stuck in a rock and a hard place."

Ironhide looked at them and beckoned to Ratchet. "Hey Ratchet. These three need their heads examined. Sam thinks he's a rock and Miles thinks he's a brick wall."

Ratchet walked over and took one look at all three of us. "That they do." He agreed. "But why is Noella not dressed up like these two?"

"Because I'm human. I don't need to dress up." I responded.

"Well that's interesting. Three head examinations and this is the funniest and stupidest thing I've ever seen before." Ratchet scooped all three of us up and took us to his Med-Bay.

"You can say you're literally stuck in a rock and a hard place, now." Ratchet said.

-0-

Thank you for reading. Don't forget to write a review.


End file.
